Wulf son of Freca (wulf_of_rohan) wrote,
Wulf son of Freca

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I shall build a little shrine to Vanthene

Wow! It's like Erumas came twice this year. *beams* Please don't mind the screams -- I hate using a gag, it ruins the fun.
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*Crying and wavering slightly, trying desperately not to faint*

Couldn't you just let me go? All this will accomplish is my family hating you more than they already do. I promise I won't let them kill you if you just let me go.

*kisses her almost tenderly as he presses her down into the blankets* They can't possibly hate me any more than they already do. If I'm going to die, it's going to be because I finally won. It's worth it. YOU'RE worth it.

So, I hear there's a dragon with a personal stake in your innocence? Not a very bright dragon, is he...everyone knows you were going to be mine eventually. *wipes away her tears with one thumb then calmly shackles her right wrist to the ornate iron headboard* Mine, Hanild. They can kill me if they like, but after tonight...you'll always be mine.

[ With the first slashed lacing on the princess's shift, ve shall cue ze tasteful fade to black (barring the unpleasant episode below) because the Theater really ain't ready for this sort of thing. ;) ]
Hark! What's that? Wulf being a bastard again?

Time to go kill the fucker...

Conveniently, I'm about a stone's throw from Saruman's phallic symbol.

*rides hard for Orthanc*

Now, lessee...Rohan structure...completely impregnable except...


*enters through nifty side door*

O.O Nifty sidedoor?! Was this place built by Rohirric contractors? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hiiiii Erkenbrand. Very stealthy, for a troll. Is this how you snuck into Helm's bed?

*slides off of the bed and comes up with a loaded crossbow* Uh, bye.

*pulls the trigger*


Okay, now, that was my leg. And while you've ruined my only best pair of breeches, your aim otherwise sucked.


I suppose we always knew this day was coming. I think I'll send you over the balcony like Grima did to the palantir.
*thinks about how far down that is and gulps, backing off a few steps and hastily slapping another bolt into the bow*

Talk, talk, talk. For someone who doesn't know any three-syllable words, you say WAY too much. Bloody well die already!

*fires again*

*winces as the bolt buries itself in Erkenbrand's shoulder*

Riiiiight. Next order of business: crossbow practice. *scrabbles for another bolt*

*Pulls bolt out and tosses it aside*


*punches you hard in the face, figuring that to be the end of Wulf*

Hanild!! Hold on!! I'm coming to rescue you!

*turns and trudges towards bedroom*
*staggers and spits out blood, expression darkening like thunder*

Oh that fucking does it.

As Erkenbrand reaches out to free Hanild, Wulf rises out of the darkness behind him and brings the crossbow down across the Marshal's head with a resounding crack. And again. And again. And again, until the wood-and-metal bow splinters and Erkenbrand slumps to the floor with a shattered skull.

*tosses aside the broken butt of the weapon in the ensuing silence, panting hard and black eyes glittering* Now. Where were we...?
*Inches towards the door* I was just leaving?
*catches, lifts over Erkie's corpse like a bride over a doorjamb* Were you planning to jump, perhaps? *fingers the remains of her shift* Or to run about in the dark orc-infected woods dressed like a midnight snack?
*Tenses immediately at his touch and does not look at him. Her voice is barely above a whisper*

But I thought I could go after....you...finished...
ARE we finished? The night is still young, and your relatives haven't arrived with pitchforks yet. I thought at least Frealaf... *snaps fingers* No, wait, my darling Vanthene cut his throat! That's probably slowing him down a bit.

...aww, I'm sorry, that was cruel. But you had to know the truth. I may be an evil son of a bitch, but I would never lie to you! You're hoping he'll be here any minute, and he won't. I'm just saving you the agony of wondering...*kiss*...if he'll arrive to save you...*lick*...in the nick of time...*nibble*...and the inevitable heartbreak when he doesn't.

Then again, it's already too late, isn't it? *tosses aside what's left of the lady's dress and drags her into his arms* Come back to bed, sweetheart. We have so much to catch up on.